Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
