Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
