i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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