I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
