He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
