you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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