It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
