Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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