you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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