she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize