So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
