If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
