ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
