I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
