the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
