Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
