Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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