That's intense
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
