weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
