I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
