my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
