no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
