The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
