how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
