He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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