I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
