I smell stomach acid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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