if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
