Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
