I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
