using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
