will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
