Will you blow on my dice?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
