Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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