I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
