Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
