she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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