so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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