we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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