I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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