so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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