please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
