i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
