morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize