oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
