It's Friday. Sex?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
