You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
