if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
