I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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