Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
