do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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