Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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