She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
