walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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