It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
