she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
