i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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