Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
