so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
