Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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