oh fat girl friday strikes again...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
