i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
