And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you had me at cake vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
