This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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