I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
