She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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