do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
