I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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