Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
